theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
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so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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