There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize