Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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