ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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