there's paper in my vomit.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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