Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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