I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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