considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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