she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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