I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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