I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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