she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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