I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize