went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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