I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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