Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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