Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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