I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize