Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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