i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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