I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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