Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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