party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How external is "for external use only"?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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