Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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