I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize