Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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