you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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