Me. At least after what I've been through.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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