You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize