my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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