I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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