My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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