Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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