Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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