I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize