11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
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she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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