I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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