mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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