When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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