Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize