I got chris browned last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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