At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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