I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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