its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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