babies were throwing up all over the place
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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