I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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