i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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