The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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