We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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