He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize